ONWARDS AND UPWARDS

Well, if you can't do it metaphorically, you may as well do it literally.

It's time to return to the land of the living. Enrique the doorman thinks I am a freak who only leaves the house at 10 or 11pm and comes back around 5am. He has probably assumed I'm a prostitute.

So, today it was sun sun sun. Tomorrow, it's climbing a volcano. Yes, there's been yoga this week.

This arv, I went rockclimbing at the gym. That's the thing about paying more for a gym membership than you spend on the rest of your life put together: there are ridiculous options like rock walls equipped with instructors and shoes. And harnesses, which are always handy.

When I'm not holed up at home, in what we will refer to as the Special Period, I climb about twice a week.

We have a problem: kissing.

Now, when my climber-spotter relationship with Daniel began, I was very new to Mex and didn't realise you had to kiss everyone you ever ran into in a day.

Now that I do, I can't just start kissing him all of a sudden... so what do I do? I'll tell you what I do: every time, I barrel up to the rock wall, halt suddenly (at least two metres from target) and wave awkwardly.

Waving doesn't cut it in Mexico. Waving is to Mexicans what bum puffing is to smokers. What grape juice is to alcoholics. What masturbating is to sex addicts.

Come to think of it, I"m not sure I know exactly what masturbating is to sex addicts, so let's just move on, shall we?

Anyway, Danie's not sure I can do a story on the Homo-erotic Undertones in Lucha Libre Within A Repressed and Macho Culture, because he's not sure there are Homo-erotic Undertones. Which would probably be quite crucial to the story...